Disambiguation
by gonnabemarine
Summary: She had dealt with death and endured torture, but she never thought that THIS could happen to HER... INVOLVES RAPE AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE. Don't like, then don't read
1. cold

She was so cold. It was one of the few things her brain could register, as she slowly regained consciousness. Everything hurt, she was sure that more than a few things had to be broken or at least severely dislocated. They had left her so bare. Utterly exposed…. her stomach, her back, her breasts, her legs. Everything.

She had no idea where her clothes were, where they had discarded them. As she started to regain more feeling, the pain worsened and she could feel their juices and her blood start to leak out from her openings.

Disgusting. Contaminated. Broken.

She wheezed as she turned her head to the side and proceeded to vomit bile. There had to have been at least three of them. Three utterly disgusting, repulsive men that had surprised and overpowered her before dragging her into an ally somewhere along her jogging route and raping her in ways that she did not even know where possible. She knew it was a bad idea to go jogging at night.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How had she let them get her gun away from her? How had she let them cut her with her own goddamn knife?! Her head was spinning now, reeling from the pain and the cold and the nausea. She realized that she had the unmistakable taste of semen in her mouth. Bastards.

That was her last thought before she lost consciousness again and slipped into the darkness.

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It was 0500 when Tony walked into NCIS HQ. Gibbs was already seated at his own

desk.

"I called you an hour ago Dinozzo. What the hell took so long?" Gibbs barked.

"Sorry Boss, won't happen again." He mumbled tiredly. Truth was, he had fallen back asleep for half an hour after he had gotten off the phone with Gibbs.

"I still can't get a hold of Ziva." Gibbs said, starting to get worried.

"We could drop by her apartment…." Tony said hopingly.

"Alright, we'll stop by on the way to the crime scene. Grab your gear!"

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She awoke again and, as if the misery of being too helpless to shield her private and vulnerable body parts from the elements was not bad enough, the uncontrollable convulsions in her stomach associated with the intense shivering exacerbated the pain she was already feeling in what had to be numerous fractured ribs amongst other ailments. the pain. It wasn't just in her ribs; it was all over. The pain was intense. It permeated her body, her person; it overwhelmed her.

Tony.

She thought of Tony to try and take her mind off the pain. God, they had been so happy lately. They had finally admitted the way that they felt about one another and had been together a little over three months now. Gibbs was none the wiser. They knew he wouldn't be happy about them breaking rule number twelve, so they decided to keep it under wraps for the time being.

"I'm sorry Tony…" Was her last thought before slinking away once again into unconsciousness.

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Tony and Gibbs stood in front of Ziva's door and knocked a few times, when they received no answer they knocked louder and Tony called her name. When they still received no answer Tony fished in his pocket and pulled out her key. Gibbs looked at him.

"And just why do you have a key to Ziva's apartment Tony?" Gibbs asked suspiciously.

Tony didn't know what to say so he just stared back at Gibbs for a moment before turning back to the door and inserting the key.

He pushed the door open, walked in and looked around. Gibbs followed. Tony called out her name before walking down the hall to her bedroom, once again, Gibbs followed him, still looking at him strangely.

Once in her bedroom Gibbs looked at her nightstand and picked up a framed photo. One of Ziva and Tony.

Tonny saw what he was holding and his eyes met Gibbs before finding something not so interesting to look at on his shoes.

Gibbs grunted before speaking. "We WILL have a long talk about this later Tony. All three of us."

"Yes Boss." Tony mumbled quietly.

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Ziva woke to someone moving her. She opened her eyes and saw a man.

"No! No more! …Please!" She croaked out in as loud a voice as she could muster. This was it. She was going to die. She knew it. Her body couldn't take anymore.

"It's okay miss, calm down, we're here to help you. We're gonna help you okay? We're going to get you to the hospital."

'_Thank God…' _Ziva thought.

One of the paramedics found her badge and I.D. laying further back in the alley under her torn panties.

"Take her to Bethesda" He stated.

"Why are why taking her to a Naval hospital?" the other paramedic asked.

"She's NCIS."

That's all the explanation he needed.


	2. discovery

She was crying now. Sweating. Struggling. Thrashing. Bleeding. Hurting.

"Miss David, calm down, it's alright, you're safe! We're taking you to Bethesda. You're going to be okay…" 

Fuckers. Who were they kidding? She would never be okay again.

They couldn't understand. To _fully_ understand meant to understand what it meant to have one's soul invaded, penetrated, infested. By filth. Like a cocoon of maggots hatching inside. To be made to deliberately lose all sense of personal dignity. All sense of person. To suffer a violation so profound that death, and whatever uncertainties and horrors came along with it — including an eternity without _him_ — seemed the more attractive option. Because choosing life now meant living without the security of knowing that her body was her own.

The voices sounded foggy, the images were bleary. She could see lights, she could hear sirens and slipped out of her own body while listening to the humming lullaby of the combination of people and machines and engines and other swirling sounds.

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Zivas' cell phone on the bar in the kitchen caught Tony's eye.

"Boss, she must be out jogging, she left her cell phone on the counter..."

"Well, we have to get to that crime scene so I'll ream her six about it later. We need to get going." Gibbs huffed.

"Yeah Boss." Tony had a bad feeling deep in his gut. She usually took her cell when she went running in the mornings… and why hadn't she answered his call last night?

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Hospital.

She perceived a change. A shift. She was being moved again. There were voices.

_I'm still alive…_

She still felt sick. There was nothing to throw up, and she was too weak to even try, but the motion was making her dizzier. Her eyes were closed, but the world was still spinning, and her head was killing her.

She was disoriented. She didn't understand what was going on, where she was and who was with her. If the attack was over or just beginning. If she was being helped or hurt. 

She heard a voice saying her name. Telling her to breathe. To calm down.

The motion needed to stop. She didn't know how to make it happen, though. She wanted to speak, but couldn't. She was getting just enough air to be awake. The dizziness was overwhelming her.

In her mind, she began to panic. She tried to move her right hand, but nothing happened. She didn't know why. She tried her left. It worked.

And then she felt herself moving downwards again. Descending but not falling. There was more pain now, and the dizziness was consuming her. But her airway was slightly clearer. She was no longer suffocating. Moving her hand had done the trick.

It must be broke; broken badly, if she herself couldn't move it. It hurt, she knew the bone must be protruding or at least ripping at her skin.

She wanted it to be over. Just put me out of my fucking misery. 

_I will never get over this._

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They were riding in silence on the way to the crime scene when Tony's phone rang.

"DiNozzo." Tony spoke briskly into the cell phone.

"_Is this Tony DiNozzo?" _the woman who called asked.

"Yeah. Who's this and how'd you get my number?"

"_I'm Dr. Bransen and I'm calling from Bethesda. There was a Ziva David brought in through trauma by ambulance just a few minutes ago and she has you listed as her emergency contact." _ She spoke sweetly.

"What happened! What can you tell me! Is she ok! Oh God…" Tony panicked. 

"_Sir, calm down, I can't tell you anything over the phone but you need to get here as soon as possible…" _the doctor insisted.

"Ok, yeah, right, I'm on my way. I'll be there in 10 minutes." Tony hung up.

Tony just sat there. He couldn't believe it. 

"Well are you gonna tell me who the hell that was DiNozzo or you want me to guess?" Gibbs spat.

"Get to Bethesda fast Boss. It's Ziva." Was all he could manage to say. 


	3. devastation

Tony and Gibbs got to the hospital in record time. They busted through the hospital doors as if they were the F.B.I. making a drug bust. 

"Ziva David! Where is she!" Tony spat at the nurse. 

"You'll have to wait one second sir…" she said condescendingly 

"No, I won't fucking wait!" Tony shouted as he flashed his badge in her face. 

"Now where is she! What happened?" Tony asked again as Gibbs placed his hand on the younger agents shoulder.

"Let me find out. Hold on." The nurse said as she pecked away at her computer keys.

"It's ok Tony, she'll be ok." Gibbs stated.

At that very moment, Dr. Bransen walked through the trauma doors and up to the desk.

"Has anyone arrived for Ms. David yet?" She asked the nurse.

"Me!" "Us!." Tony and Gibbs shouted impatiently at the same time.

"Mr. Dinozzo?" The Doctor confirmed.

"Yes! Now what happened to Ziva? Is she okay?" Tony asked hurriedly.

"Mr. Dinozzo…." The doctor started.

"Call me Tony." He said.

"Ms. David was brought in earlier this morning in bad condition…." She hesitated 

"This isn't going to be easy to hear Tony..." She warned as she looked between him and Gibbs. 

"Just tell me what the fuck happened! Was she in an accident? Was she shot? Stabbed?" Tony continued angrily.

"She was attacked…raped…repeatedly. Vaginally, anally and orally…. by what looks like had to be at least three men. Her arm was broken in several places, 2 broken ribs, she had a cut on her neck that required 12 stitches. We performed a rape kit as soon as we could. We had to sedate her for it. There was extensive vaginal bruising and swelling and a tear in the perineum due to the anal rape. Thankfully, we did find fluids. Seeing as she is NCIS, as are you, I assumed you would want the evidence processed through your forensics lab. I have it ready to be sent to NCIS HQ." The doctor finished sympathetically. 

They were in shock. They couldn't believe it. Not Ziva… dear God, not Ziva…

"Oh God, no…. no Gibbs, this can't be right…. not Ziva…. Please no…" he said weakly as a few tears slipped down his cheeks. 

Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him. "She **will** be ok Tony, She's strong remember? It's Ziva. She'll get through this but you have to be strong for her. She's gonna need you…" Gibbs said uncharacteristically. 

Tony nodded and swallowed thickly before continuing. He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He looked towards the doctor who had taken a few steps back to give them some privacy. "Can I see her? I need to see her…" he asked the doctor.

"Yes. You can see her, but she's probably asleep, she needs her rest…. Oh, and Tony, we found a gun at the scene… along with her clothes. They bagged it all, I'll send it to NCIS with the fluid samples."

"Thanks you…." Tony uttered helplessly. 

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Tony walked in her room, took one look at her and gasped. This couldn't be his Ziva. Who would do this to her? How had they done this to her? How did they get her weapons away? She looked so broken, so fragile, so pained…. He was going to find them. If it was the last goddamned thing he did, he and Gibbs were going to find them, and make them pay. 

"No! stop… please! Not there….no! Don't!" Her voice startled him out of his thought.

"Ziva... Ziva it's ok. You're safe. Wake up baby, you're in the hospital…" Tony tried.

"T..Tony…?" she asked brokenly.

"Yeah baby, It's me, I'm here, it's gonna be ok now, everything's gonna be ok…" He said as he gently took her hand…


	4. safety

Tony. 

Tony's here. It's ok. 

Oh God, He's never going to want to touch me again, I'm infested now. Marked. He will never be able to look at me the same again. He will never be able to love me now. How could he? I'm contaminated. I can still feel them inside me, thrusting hard, pushing inside unwelcomed. I can still hear their grunts and sneers and taunting. I can still smell the goddamned foul stench of them. Disgusting. 

"Ziva…?" Tony voice snaps me back into reality.

I look up at him and can see the tears in his eyes; I can see that he has been crying. I turn my head and look away. I want to tell him to stop looking at me. Stop crying over me, I'm not worth the tears. Not anymore. I can here him telling me that everything is going to be alright. I just stare dejectedly. 

I've done a lot of wrong in my life, more bad than good I would say. I have killed more people than I care to remember and have interrogated by means of torture. Looking back on all the things that I have done, this seems worse somehow. I would rather have been on the other end of things than go through this. I do not know why they could not have just killed me and spared me this. This… this is a kind of torture that will stay with me forever. Maybe that is why it happened, maybe now I am paying for my sins…

"I'm so sorry Ziva, I should have come over last night, I'm so sorry… this shouldn't have happened to you… God, I love you so much… I thought I lost you." Tony says quietly as he squeezes my hand, rubbing circles with his thumb.

I look to him again. "This is not your fault Tony. It's mine." I rasp out, trying to get my voice back…

I can't let him think this was his fault. It wasn't…. and deep down, the rational part of my mind knows that it was not my fault either, not really…but that does not make me feel any less dirty, any less ashamed or any less responsible.

He stares down at me, looks at me as if somehow I'm the most precious thing in the world "We will get through this Ziva. You're so strong and I know it, I know, you'll be ok. I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere… I don't care how hard you try and push me away, I'm not leaving your side so you might as well get used to it." He states firmly.

"Ok." Is all I can say and I here him breathe a sigh of relief. 

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"Abby Scuito speaking!" Abby answers the phone cheerily as always.

"It's me…" Gibbs says.

"Hey me!" Abby jokes. 

"Abby… the Director isn't answering her phone… I need you to go find her and tell her to get to Bethesda."

"Are you ok? Is Tony ok? What happened?" She starts worriedly. 

"Just find her Abby. You can come too if you want but she needs to be here."

"You're scaring me Gibbs…"

"Abby just do it! ….please… and tell McGee to hold down the fort while we're all gone." he sighed. 

That really scared Abby. Gibbs NEVER said please. EVER. 

"Ok, Gibbs, I'll find her and WE will be there soon." She finished, emphasizing the fact that she would definitely be coming along as well. 

She heard a 'click' from his end and knew he had hung up already.

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Half an hour later Gibbs stood up as he saw Abby hurriedly walk into the hospital waiting room with Director Shepard in tow. 

"What's happened Jethro?" Jen asked, sounding worried.

"It's Ziva…" he said quietly.

"What happened?" she said impatiently and in a slightly accusatory tone. 

Abby looked between them before looking to Gibbs, watching him as he tried to find the right words.

"Jethro…?" She repeated questioningly.

"She was attacked…" he said.

"By who! And what exactly do you mean _attacked_?" she asked frantically. 

"She was raped Jen… She's pretty bad off… the doctor said, broken ribs, broken arm, stitches and uhhh… vaginal trauma and some tearing…." He finished sadly. 

Abby gasped and started shaking her head, trying not to cry. 

Gibbs watched as a storm raged in Jens eyes and her face went hard, her lips a tight line.

"WHO? Who did this?" she asked dangerously.

"We don't know who they are Jen… someone happened to find her this morning and called 911… but the doctors found fluids during the rape kit. Abby's going to process all the evidence… in house at NCIS. We'll find them Jen."

"Them?" Jen asked incredulously. "There was more than one?" 

"yes…" Gibbs whispered. 


	5. what did they do?

"Good morning Ms

"Good morning Ms. David…" Dr. Bransen started as she entered Ziva's hospital room. 

Ziva opened her eyes and squeezed Tony's hand to wake him from his slumber on the side of her hospital bed.

"Hmph? Are you okay?" Tony asked as his head snapped up.

"I'm fine Tony, Dr. Bransen's here." They both looked towards the doctor who was now checking Ziva's vitals. 

"…and doctor, you may call me Ziva." She insisted. 

"Alright then Ziva, how are you feeling this morning?" 

"Better than I was yesterday I suppose." Ziva said softly.

"Ziva… I know you are a very strong woman but if something, anything, is hurting you, you need to tell me so that I can check it out and make sure that everything is alright" Dr. Bransen told her.

Ziva conceded. "My chest hurts when I breathe…"

"That would be because you have 2 broken ribs, the pain when you breathe is caused by your lungs pressing against the break in your ribs when the lungs expand. The pain should lessen as the break heals." She finished. 

"Yes, I know, I have had broken ribs before." Ziva snipped. 

Dr. Bransen nodded her head.

"I am sorry doctor, I do not mean to be bitchy…" Ziva corrected quickly.

"It's most definitely understandable Ziva. Don't worry about it." She said. 

"Is anything else causing you any pain or discomfort at the moment?" the doctor asked lightly.

Ziva looked to Tony and then lowered her eyes to her lap.

"Down there. It hurts….down there." She mumbled embarrassedly. 

Tony squeezed her hand again and brushed a lock of hair out of her face. 

"Look at me Ziva." Tony demanded.

She slowly looked up.

"There is absolutely no reason for you to be embarrassed or ashamed. None of this was your fault, you here me? None of it." He stated firmly.

Ziva blinked back her tears and nodded her head before looking back to the doctor.

"Ziva, there was a tear in your perineum… We had to suture it so that it would heal properly. That's one of the reasons for your discomfort. There was also extensive vaginal bruising and swelling… It will be less painful in a few days." The Doctor promised.

_Maybe physically. _Ziva thought darkly.

Tony just kissed her hand and tried not to let his face portray the rage he was feeling inside towards the men who did this to her. Bastards. They don't deserve to live, and they wouldn't if he had anything to do with it.

Dr. Bransens voice brought him back out of his thoughts.

"Ziva, one thing that we did not discuss with you, is the morning after pill. When you were brought in, you were not lucid. Now that you are, it's important that you decide fairly soon whether or not you would like it to be administered…" The doctor finished. 

Ziva looked to Tony once again. "I can have a few minutes to think about it, yes?" she asked.

"Of course dear, I'll be back in about an hour to check your sutures and do a pelvic exam."

Ziva instantly stiffened. 

The doctor laid a hand softly on Ziva's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, but it's necessary Ziva." The doctor said softly as she left.

Ziva dropped her head back against her pillow, closed her eyes and sighed.

"What should I do Tony? About the pill thing?" She asked.

"That… is totally up to you Ziva, I will support you in whatever you decide. You have to do what's right for you….So the most important thing is, what do you want to do?"

"I…I do not want to end up pregnant with the child of one of the men that raped me Tony…. But I have no way of knowing whether or not the child might be yours… What if it were to be yours Tony?"

"Ziva… I want you to do what you feel is right for YOU… but… the chances of it being mine would be slim. We're always careful, always use a condom…. Those guys…" Tony hesitated.

"Those guys didn't Ziva, and there were three of them…." He said through clenched teeth. 

Ziva just nodded. "I think I will take the pill Tony." She whispered.

"Whatever you want Ziva, whatever you want." 

Tony held her hand and they sat in comfortable silence until the doctor strolled back in an hour later as she said she would.

"Hello again my dear… have you decided whether or not you would like the morning after pill?" the doctor queried.

"Yes, I have decided that it would be best if I did." She answered.

"Well I brought it just in case, here you go…" she said as she handed ziva a round white pill and a small cup of water. 

Ziva looked at the pill for a moment before closing her eyes and swallowing it.

"Toda." Ziva said quietly.

"Ok, I need to perform your pelvic exam now… would you like Tony to step out?" she asked quietly.

Ziva looked to Tony.

"It's ok Ziva, I'll step outside if you want me to…" he said sweetly.

"no…no I want you to stay…please." 

"Alright then." The doctor said as she positioned the stirrups so that Ziva could place her legs in them

She squeezed Tony's hand and closed her eyes tightly.

"It's ok Ziva… It's alright." Tony whispered next to her hear.

"Ok Ziva, this _is_ going to be uncomfortable…" the doctor told her honestly.

The doctor lifted her hospital gown up to her hips and covered her spread legs with a thin paper sheet.

"Well, the sutures stayed in place nicely, should heal completely…"

The doctor pressed lightly on her vulva and Ziva stiffened and jerked away.

"I'm sorry, it's still very tender, I know… but it looks like everything is going to heal up just fine…." Dr. Bransen said as she finished the exam and lowered Zivas legs from the stirrups before pulling her hospital gown back down and moving to stand beside her hospital bed.

Ziva nodded.

"There is one more thing Ziva… In my initial exam I did find… very slight vaginal tearing and internal lacerations… ones that would not have been caused by a penis…" she looked questioningly at Ziva. 

Ziva let the tears roll down her face.

"Baby, did something else happen?" Tony questioned.

When she didn't answer, he pushed on.

"It's ok Ziva, you can tell me, I won't think any less of you, we need to know what happened." He finished patiently…

"Yes.. uh.. something, they did something else… she said as she started to tremble.


	6. disturbing revelation

"Calm down Ziva, it's alright, just go slow and take your time

"Calm down Ziva, it's alright, just go slow and take your time. What else did they do?" Tony asked as he stroked up and down her good arm. 

He didn't want to push her too hard but damn it, he needed to know exactly what happened so that he could get the goddamned sons of bitches who did this to her.

She took a deep breath before she continued.

"When they, when they pulled off my pants, they uh… they found my badge and gun." She said as she started crying openly.

Tony furrowed his brows. He didn't see the significance in the fact that they found her badge and gun….but he waited for her to continue. 

"It uh, it made them angry, that I was a uh, a cop…" 

"They took my gun and waved it in front of my face…asked…" she started crying harder.

"It's ok Ziva… I've got you now, they can't hurt you" Tony consoled.

"They asked if I liked it rough, and then they… pulled my legs apart. They were… holding me down, they had hit me on the head to begin with, and I tried to get away Tony! Oh God, I tried so hard to get away!" She insisted.

"I know you did Ziva, I know… It's not your fault."

"They used my gun Tony! They used my own goddamned gun to rape me! Before any of them raped me themselves… How could I let this happen Tony? How could I let them do that?" She said sadly through her tears. 

Tony was shocked…and enraged. Her gun? They raped her with her gun?! What kind of sadistic pricks would do THAT? Why would they use her gun? …To cause her more pain. To humiliate her, he concluded angrily.

"You didn't LET them do anything Ziva… there was nothing you could do but survive and you did, because you're strong Ziva… you did nothing wrong. Nothing." Tony reiterated. 

"It hurt, it hurt so bad Tony, it felt like I was being torn in half, I could feel myself tear and they just kept pushing it in and out and… and, oh god, I didn't think it could get any worse… I would rather they had just used the gun to shoot me instead…" she continued.

"No! Don't you even think like that Ziva David. You're strong and you made it through it and we're gonna find who did this and we're gonna rip them the fuck apart…" Tony snarled.

"I hope so Tony… I hope so." She mumbled through her tears.

Dr. Bransen quietly slipped out of the room with a sad look on her face…

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Gibbs, Jen, Ducky, Abby and McGee sat together in the bullpen. They had broken the news to McGee and Ducky and sat silently as they took in the news.

McGee responded to the news with more anger than any of them had expected and Ducky just shook his head and asked who would do something so horrible…

Gibbs broke the silence.

"We're handling this all in house. Abby, the fluid samples, clothes and Zivas' badge and gun are down in your lab, get started on the necessary tests. McGee, I want you to tear through Zivas computer, ANYTHING that looks as though it might in any way be relevant to Zivas attack, I want to know about it. Director, I guess you should notify Director David of the situation. Everyone else…just…help one another." Gibbs finished.

As soon as Gibbs finished speaking, his phone rang. He held up a hand to the group, signaling them to stay for a moment.

"Yeah, Gibbs." He barked into the phone.

"It's me Boss…" Tony started.

"How's she holding up?" Gibbs asked.

"As well as can be expected. Her ribs hurt…amongst other things. Doctor preformed a follow up pelvic exam, said Ziva should heal well." Tony told him.

"That's good… we're about to start processing the evidence and McGee is going to look through her computer for anything that might shed some light on why this happened." Gibbs stated.

"Boss…Ziva told me something else about the attack… when the doctor was doing the pelvic exam, she asked if Ziva knew what caused the internal lacerations and tearing…"

"I didn't know there were _internal_ lacerations. What would cause that? I didn't think that just a penis would do that…" Gibbs told him quietly.

"Yeah, and that's why the doctor asked about it, she didn't think so either. That's when Ziva told me…" Tony trailed off quietly.

"Well what the hell did she tell you DiNozzo? We need all the facts if we're gonna catch these bastards." Gibbs said loudly.

The rest of the team looked to each other before turning their eyes back to Gibbs.

"They used her gun on her Boss…" Tony said darkly.

"What do you mean they used her gun on her? You mean they held her at gun point while they raped her? I figured that much or el-"

"No, Boss! They used her fucking gun! They raped her with her own goddamned gun! That's what caused the internal tears and lacerations. Those fucking bastards they…they…she's hurt so bad Boss…she was telling me and she just broke down. I've never seen her like this before, so broken…and there's nothing I can do to help her…:" Tony dejectedly. 

Gibbs heard the tears and rage in Tony's voice. "She'll be ok Tony. We'll find these sons of bitches and Abby will help us hide their bodies." He said _HALF_ jokingly, trying to make Tony feel better.

"You're right Boss, she'll get through this. She has to." Tony said and then abruptly hung up.

Gibbs slowly put his phone down in its cradle before looking towards his team to see tears silently streaming down Abbys face and Jen, clenching her fists so hard that her nails bit into her flesh.

"Abby…make sure to run tests on Zivas gun. Check for tissue samples and DNA." Gibbs told her.

Abby wiped her tears, slowly rose to her feet and headed down to her lab.

"I want them Jethro. I want them to suffer." Jen said dangerously before heading towards her office.


	7. surprise delivery

Ziva woke to find Tony next to her bedside peering down at her intently.

"I get to go home today…" she said softly.

"Yes you do… and I'm staying with you. Would you rather stay at my place, or do you want me to stay at yours?" he asked.

"I…I think I would rather stay at mine." She told him.

"Sounds good to me sweetcheeks." He said lightly

She smiled at his pet name for her.

"Good to see you smile again Ziva. I've missed your smile." He said sadly.

"I have to go back to NCIS for a little while, but I'll be back to pick you when your discharged. What time did they say again?" he questioned.

"Sometime around 1700 hours." She answered.

"Will you be alright alone until then?"

"Yes Tony, I will be fine! I am not an invalid nor am I a child!" She spat.

Tony moved closer to Ziva as he extended his hand and rubbed his thumb along her cheek.

She averted her eyes.

"Look at me Ziva." He demanded.

Once she lifted her eyes to meet his, he spoke.

"I know you are capable of taking care of yourself, I'm not trying to patronize you. I love you, and you don't have to be strong all the time. Remember when we were stuck in that shipping container together?" he asked

She nodded her head.

"You told me that I didn't have to joke about it… that it was ok to admit that I was afraid… and that was the best advice that anyone has ever given me… It's ok to be afraid Ziva. It's ok to admit that you need a little help sometimes…. If only for the sole reason of humoring me and making me feel wanted." He finished jokingly.

She chuckled at the last part, then grew serious.

"You _are _needed Tony, and most definitely wanted. This is just hard for me… so hard. It feels like I need to be extra strong and independent now…because of what happened, because I could not stop it then, because I could not take care of myself then… Everyone thinks me weak and helpless now…." She trailed off.

"Ziva. Listen to me. You are none of those things. We still see you as the same Ziva you were a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. No one thinks any less of you. We know how strong you are, nothing could make us feel differently." He said.

"Let me ask you something Ziva… If this had happened to Abby or to Jen, would you think them weak? Would you think that it was their fault?"

"No!" she said quickly, repulsed by the thought of Abby or Jen having to go through this hell.

"Well there ya go…. You said it yourself. So let me help you and know that it's not that I think you any less capable, but because I love you…so much Ziva." He finished as he kissed her forehead.

"I love you too Tony…and thank you…." She told him.

"Anytime Sweet Cheeks, anytime." He laughed.

"I'll be back at 1700 hours to pick you up." He said before leaving her hospital room and heading to NCIS HQ.

X

When Tony got back, he found everyone, including the director, down in Abby's lab.

"Why is everyone down here? Did we find something?" he asked hopefully.

Abby looked at him solemnly and began to speak.

"I got two hits from the fluid samples they obtained during the rape kit." Abby said.

"Well, that's two out of three, not bad." Tony said.

"The first hit was a Zachary Bryant, Caucasian male, 29 years of age, did two in prison for domestic abuse and another couple of years for an assault conviction." Abby said

"And the second?" Tony asked impatiently.

"Tommy Rodriguez, Hispanic male, 25 years of age, was in prison for three years for statutory rape…. We have addresses on file for both of them." Abby finished.

"Good job Abby…" Gibbs said as he leaned close and placed a lingering kiss on her cheek.

"Let's go get these fuckers." Tony said.

Tony, Gibbs and McGee started to head out of the lab when a mail carrier slammed into them.

"Sorry! I'm so sorry…" the mail guy apologized quickly.

"It's fine." Gibbs replied tersely.

"Did you need something?" Abby asked from behind them.

"Oh! Yes, I'm trying to find an Anthony DiNozzo… I looked upstairs but he wasn-"

"That's me." Tony cut him off.

"Here… I have a delivery for you…" the carrier said as he handed Tony the package.

"Thanks…" Tony said as he signed for the delivery.

"Were you expecting anything Tony?" The Director asked.

"No…" Tony said slowly.

"No return address…Give it to Abby." Gibbs instructed.

Abby snapped on some latex gloves and carefully opened the package that she had been handed.

A moment later, she looked up at the rest of the team, who were waiting for her to tell them what it was.

"It's a video tape…" she said slowly.


	8. horror

"_A video tape_?" Jenny asked suspiciously.

Everyone in the room looked to one another. All of them hoping, _praying_ that it wasn't what each of them suspected it might be.

"A video tape…" Abby trailed off.

Gibbs turned to Tony. "You should go wait for us up in the bullpen Tony." He said.

"No way!" Tony said vehemently. "I'm staying right fucking here, it was addressed to me. We don't even know what's on that tape." He said.

"Play it, Abby." Jen instructed.

Gibbs looked to Tony one last time before nodding his head to Abby for her to go ahead and play it.

Abby stared down at the tape for a few seconds before picking it up shakily, inserting it and pulling it up on the plasma.

Everyone held their breath and waited in silence.

It started fuzzily before becoming perfectly clear. Ziva appeared on the screen, running for about a minute, before stopping right at the mouth of an alley to cool off. Three men walked around the corner and approached her. The video zoomed in to show one of the men grab her arm and say something while smiling nastily.

Gibbs stopped the tape. "What did he say Abby?" he asked, knowing she was reading their lips.

At that moment, Abby really wished that she weren't able to read lips. She didn't want to have to narrate this sick fucks film.

"Abby…?" Gibbs asked again.

She hesitated before speaking.

"He said… '_Hey sweetheart, I like your necklace, I ain't never had a Jew before…would I be considered kosher_?'" Abby finished, disgusted.

Gibbs started the tape again and they all turned their eyes back to the plasma.

Ziva quickly recoiled and started off in the other direction. She didn't get very far. One of the other men pulled out what looked like a flashlight and struck her hard on the back of the head with it. She fell limp to the ground. The men then proceeded to drag her further down into the alley. The video followed every move, zooming in further. Ziva started to thrash and strike out, still off balance from the blow to the head. One of the men punched her in stomach, hard, causing her to double over. As soon as she did, one of them from behind, laughed and violently ripped her pants and underwear down, causing her gun and badge to fall out. The camera zoomed in closer. The man leaned down and picked up her gun before pushing her to the dirty ground. One of the other men's faces filled with rage and he quickly reached out and grabbed the gun from the man that was holding it. He grinned evilly and snarled something to the other men as laughed and waved the gun in front of Zivas face before kicking her hard in the ribs and forcing her legs apart.

Gibbs stopped the tape again and turned to Abby. Abby took a shaky breath. She knew he was expecting her to translate.

"I can't… I don't want to tell you…" Abby said sadly as she looked between Jen, Tony and Gibbs.

"I know you don't Abby, but we need to know everything in order to make these bastards pay..." Jen said.

Abby closed her eyes and sighed before speaking the dreaded words.

"They said… '_I wonder how tight she is? She'd probably like getting fucked by her own gun…Would you like that Jew? Hope you left the safety on..." _Abby finished with a tear streaming down her cheek.

Tony just stood there stone faced and cold. He was going to kill them; there would be no jail, no trial, nothing, because he was going to blow their fucking brains out.

Gibbs came up behind Abby and wrapped his arms around her. "It's ok Abby. She's ok now. You're doing a good job, you're helping catch the bastards who did this to her." He consoled before turning his eyes back to the tape and hitting play once again.

They all watched in horror as Ziva was violently raped with her own gun. Everyone could see that she had started bleeding from the foreign intrusion. The man just laughed cruelly and thrusted it in harder. No one needed a translation to know that Ziva was crying out in pain.

The man finally withdrew the gun and all three of them unzipped their pants, exposing themselves. They propped Zivas limp body up on her knees as one of the men penetrated her from the front. When one of the other men sidled up behind her and begain to penetrate her anally, Ziva screamed something…the man just slapped her in the face and spoke to her nastily as he reached down to spread her cheeks before pusing forward violently. And began thrusting.

"Abby?" Gibbs encouraged.

"She said… _No, please not there, not like that, please_….. and he said…._what? never been fucked in the ass before? You'll love it you little slut, but I really don't care whether you do or not. You're gonna scream for me…_" Abby finished flatly, purposely adding no inflection to her tone of voice.

They turned their eyes back to the plasma. They watched as the third man picked up Zivas knife that had fallen to the ground and placed it against her neck before saying something and then shoving his penis deep into her mouth.

Gibbs stopped the tape. "What did he say?" Gibbs asked brokenly.

Abby replied numbly. "_Bite_ _me and I'll slit your fucking throat bitch._"

The tape played again...

All three men thrusted fervently for a few moments as she cried and yelled out in pain. Finally, the man that was penetrating her vaginally, finished first, followed by the man behind her. When the man that was violating her orally finished, he jerked and thrusted hard into her mouth causing the knife he was holding at her neck, to slice deeply into her skin. All three men withdrew at the same time and Ziva instantly crumbled to the ground. The three men zipped up, laughed and high fived each other before turning back to Ziva and beating her for a few moments. When they grew tired, they just turned around and walked away.

The screen when gray and fuzzy, but everyone kept staring at it anyway.

Abby was the first one to break. She slid down the side of her computer desk and started sobbing. "That…. I-is …th..the worst…fucking th-thing, that I ha..have ever seen!" she hiccupped as she tried to get the words out. Ad her tears subsided she could speak easier. "Who?! Who would do something so… so…cruel?!" she asked.

Gibbs kneeled down and wrapped her in a hug. "I don't know Abby, but we're gonna get em'… We're gonna get em."

Gibbs and Abby finally stood up and walked back to the others. Jen swiped angrily at the tears streaming down her face, before stepping close to Gibbs and saying something into his ear. "I don't want you to bring those bastards in Jethro. I want them dead." She said dangerously, but completely serious, before turning and walking out of the lab.

This shocked Gibbs. He knew Ziva was close with Director, but he hadn't realized just how good of friends they were until now.

Tony broke his silence and spoke solemnly.

"Who was video taping? We know that those three men raped her and that most likely, there wasn't a fourth man just sitting on the side lines willing to forgo his 'turn'…" Tony spat venomously.

"No." Abby interrupted. "This video was shot from a good distance away…like someone was doing surveillance.

Gibbs nodded his head. "McGee! You find anything helpful on Ziva's computer yet?"

"No Boss, not yet, I'll get back to it…" he trailed off softly as he walked out of the room.

Ducky had vacated half way through, saying something about not wanting to see anymore.

"When is Ziva being discharged Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"1700 hours. I told her I would pick her up. I'm gonna be stayin with her at her place for a while." Tony responded.

Gibbs nodded and looked down at his watch.

"Well, it's 1630 now, so you'd better get going." Gibbs told him.

Tony just nodded, turned and started to walk out of the lab.

"Hey Tony!" Gibbs called out.

"Yeah Boss?"

"…..Take care of her."


	9. Coming Home

**If you read, please be polite and review. Let me know what you think… Is there anything in particular you'd like to see happen in the upcoming chapters? Any helpful ideas? Let me know!**

X

She was so sick of the damn hospital. Ziva hated hospitals. They reminded her of death and bombings and loss...they smelled of antiseptic from people trying to make clean, things that were so dirty. That's a good way to describe her situation, she thought; she had been scrubbed, swiped, sanitized and necessary areas had been sterilized… yet she still felt so goddamn dirty. She wishes they could have antisepticised her insides. Scrubbed them away…those men who had done this to her. But they didn't because they can't, and she knows that. She knows that even though no one has said it to her yet, she will feel like this for a long time…like she can't get clean, no matter how hard or long she tries.

Ziva was glad to be going home this afternoon. Very glad. If there was one thing that she hated more than anything, it was being helpless and dependant on others…in any way. Ever since she was a young child, she had been fiercely independent. She had never let herself really love, before Tony that is.

Huh. Tony… she loved him so much. So much more than she ever fathomed she would, or even could for that matter. It was all going so well…It all felt right, for once in her life, she felt whole; and then this happened and it feels like all that has been ripped away. She feels hollow. When those men raped her, they ripped something out of her. She does not know what. Maybe it was her heart or her soul, or maybe it was her pride and dignity. Maybe it was all of the above.

She still couldn't quite wrap her head around it all yet. It still seemed like a bad dream, she thinks; one that she keeps expecting to wake up from…but she never does.

One thing that she was sure of, one thing she knew for sure was that she felt safe with Tony; she wanted him around because she loved him. She would love him no matter what…she just did not understand how he could love her after all this, how he could even stand to look at her.

X

Tony arrived to pick her up at the hospital, almost on time. Her doctor and Tony both insisted that she take a wheelchair out to the car. She scowled and finally complied with much protest. She hated all this shit. She hated that all everyone did was try to help her…and she hated even more, that she needed help. Especially Tony's. She needed him more than anything, even if she hadn't told him that. But she felt like she did not deserve his help or his love. She had half expected him to be disgusted with her and walk away from…from all this, not knowing how to deal. But he didn't and he _was _dealing. She didn't know how, but he was… and she was so thankful for that. She decided that she needed to let him know how much she appreciated him sticking with her; later, that is. Ziva wasn't good at emotions… she wondered what she should say to him.

X

On the drive back to her apartment, they were both silent. She studied his face inconspicuously. He looked like he was somewhere else, like he was replaying something in his head…something that was making him angry, because he was clenching his jaw and setting his face, like he always did when something upset or angered him. She wondered what he was thinking about that was troubling him so. She wondered if he was angry at her for letting this happen. She wondered where her own cocky, confident attitude had gone. It seemed to be missing since that night. She made a mental note to ask him about what was going on in his head, later that evening.

X

When they finally arrived, he helped her up the stairs, into her apartment and onto her couch before plopping down close to her. She flinched when he put his hand on her leg out of habit and comfort.

"I am sorry. I do not know why…" she started to try and explain her body's response to his innocent touch.

"It's ok Ziva, I should have remembered. Dr. Bransen said to expect that." Tony told her.

"What?!" Ziva snapped at him. "You two have been talking about me?" She asked angrily.

"Ziva, calm down, she was just trying to help, I just needed to know what to expect. I've never dealt with anything like this…at least, not when it's someone I…love." He said, and then looked up to meet her eyes

"I love you too Tony… so much." She told him in a shaky voice, all her anger having disappeared at his words.

He smiled.

X

After dinner, they once again returned to her couch. They sat in silence for a moment before she spoke.

"Have you found out anything about who… did this? Anything?" she asked hopefully.

She noticed that at her question, the look that he had had in the car earlier that day, had returned.

"What is wrong Tony? What are you not telling me? You had the same look on your face earlier today…" she said.

"You noticed that?" He asked, surprised.

"I notice everything about you Tony…" she whispered.

"I love you Ziva." He told her in return.

"And I love you."

"Ziva… we did find some things, we got a lead, hits on the DNA samples… and then before I left HQ to pick you up yesterday, we got a video tape in the mail. It was addressed to me…" he started to tell her sadly.

She didn't need this on top of everything else. Jesus. What was he supposed to say? How could he tell her that her violent rape had been video taped and then viewed by him, her boss and co-workers?


End file.
